You Are Not Alone

The loneliness epidemic

A 2019 Springtide Research study found that 36% of young people (13-25) have nobody to talk to. The same study found that 30% of young people (13-25) feel completely alone. These are young people who attend religious gatherings. They are present in religious spaces but still lack deep connection. It’s startling that we live in a time where technology has connected the world, but nearly one-third of young people feel isolated. Maybe you are part of the 30% of young people who feel alone.

Maybe you tried to find a community of people but are struggling. Maybe you are a college student in a new city, someone who relocated for a new job, or maybe you’ve been going from church to church but can’t seem to find the right community where you belong.

The longing for belonging is a normal part of being human. We desire to be known by others, to live authentically and be seen. It’s easy to feel stuck and think that our feelings of loneliness will never leave. In this article, I want to encourage you to not lose hope. So what should you do if you feel lonely? What does the Bible say about feeling lonely? Will I ever find the right people? My prayer is that you realize God's comforting presence is always with you and that Christ-centered communities are the remedy to the loneliness epidemic.

Be honest about your loneliness

No one desires to feel alone. In order to address the issue, we need to first admit what we are feeling. The unfortunate reality is that many people in the church feel isolated. The human tendency is to keep our minds occupied instead of facing our feelings. Your feelings of loneliness are not unique. When we tell ourselves that our situation is an anomaly, it makes it seem like there’s no solution. We don’t have to fake our feelings or push it under a rug.

Our society, and even the church, make it seem like we need to always be okay. There’s pressure to look a certain way and maybe we’ve been told that followers of Jesus can’t feel lonely. The statistics tell a different story. Not only are nearly half of young adults spiritually isolated, but many don’t have a safe person they can turn to. Barna found that 1 in 3 practicing Christians say they do not have a single person in their life they can have an honest spiritual conversation with. It’s a disservice to ourselves and others to pretend loneliness is not a massive problem in the church today. We need to admit the situation exists. Unless we can admit the issue we won’t be able to address it.

We can be vulnerable with God

In the midst of his distress, David cried out to God, “turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.” (Psalm 25:16, ESV) 

Just like David, we can cry out to God with our raw emotions. No filter, no facade, no sugarcoating it, we can come to God just the way we are. There is nothing we can hide from God. He knows our feelings even before we come to him. In fact, God knows what we are going through more than we can explain.

“O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.” (Psalm 139:1-6, ESV)

There is no emotion or situation that we cannot bring before God. As the Psalmist writes, God knows all of our thoughts and what we want to say even before we say a word. This sort of knowledge is above our comprehension, and should comfort us as we approach God with our vulnerabilities. Because we have a great high priest, Jesus, who can sympathize with our weaknesses, “let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16, ESV). We serve a God who desires for us to come before him. Go to him with your feelings of loneliness. Lay it down at his feet, knowing that he wants us to come to him.

You are not alone

There are several passages in Scripture that mention how God is present with us in every situation.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4, ESV)

“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.” (Psalm 139:7-10, ESV)

Life is filled with all sorts of changes, but the one truth we can always cling on to is that God is always present. The Creator of the universe is not absent from any part of his creation. We might feel isolated from God, but Scripture comforts us with the truth of his all encompassing presence. We might find ourselves asking, “Has God left me? Does God really care about my situation? Is God even listening?” When these thoughts come to our mind, we can test them according to Scripture and find comfort that God is surely present and cares.

Even Jesus recognized that when his disciples would leave him, his Father in heaven would still be there. Jesus was isolated from other humans but he still felt the comforting presence of the Father.

“Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me.” (John 16:32, ESV)

Not only is God with us in our loneliness but he has given us the church to experience joy in community.

Battling loneliness through community

God’s intention is not for us to figure life out in isolation. Yes, God is with us at all times, in every season, regardless of what feelings we are experiencing, but God has also given us people to do life with. In the beginning, God created Adam, and because he was alone, he gave him Eve. “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18, ESV). In the book of Acts, it mentions how the early church was devoted to fellowshipping with one another. “And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.” (Acts 2:42, ESV)

God’s plan for the body of believers is to be committed to serving, loving, and growing with one another. When we come to saving faith in Jesus Christ, we are now a part of the body of Christ. We can’t live in isolation and experience the full extent of what God intended for us to have in community. Being devoted to a body of believers is not a suggestion but a command in Scripture.

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:24-25, ESV)

Amid the difficulties the early church was facing, they were commanded to continually gather with one another. By doing so, it will encourage them in their faith and stir each other up in love and good works. There is much beauty and joy in the fellowship of believers. It’s obvious that community will help fight against loneliness, but we have to ask ourselves, “what prevents us from devoting ourselves to a body of believers?”

Roadblocks to community

We might know what we need, but for one reason or another, we face roadblocks when trying to find a community of believers to fellowship with. For some, maybe it’s the fear of being judged. You’ve received condemning comments from church-goers in the past, and you’re fearful that will happen again. Or maybe you don’t feel “good” enough to attend church. You have so much baggage and feel like you need to get your life straight before walking through the doors. For others, it’s the fear of being vulnerable. You’ve gotten so comfortable with keeping your issues to yourself that you don’t want others to ask you questions that might challenge you. Or maybe you used to go to church but left after experiencing church hurt. The very place that was supposed to build your faith, ended up leaving you broken. You are worried the same thing will happen again.

There are many hindrances people face that prevent them from committing themselves to a local body of believers. Maybe one of these examples resonates with you. Or maybe there’s another reason why you haven't been able to devote yourself to fellowship with other believers. Although these barriers seem to be legitimate reasons, they cause us to isolate ourselves, and put us in haphazardous positions. 

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8, ESV)

This warning in Peter depicts the devil as a roaring lion looking for those who are vulnerable. Just like sheep, when we are isolated, we are more prone to dangers lurking ahead. Satan will do everything he can to have us withdraw from the community or downplay the importance of having other believers around us. Not only does Christ-like community get us out of loneliness, but it helps us to remain resilient in our faith.

God has given us other believers to do life with, we know the distractions that keep us from a godly community, but how exactly do we get plugged into a local church?

Finding your community

God has given us the church and commanded us to be devoted to one another. We know that it’s God’s desire for us to live in community, so we can confidently come before him asking for help. With anything in life, we can cast our cares before him, knowing that he hears us and wants what is best. So the best place to start is to pray asking God for help as you look for a local body of believers to devote yourself to.

With discernment and careful examination, look for local churches that proclaim the gospel of Jesus Christ and live according to God’s Word. This might take time, but is imperative in our spiritual growth. After finding a Christ-centered church, don’t just attend the weekly Sunday gathering, but engage in other events. Attend a small group, Bible study, mid-week service, prayer meeting, outreach program, or whatever other programs that church holds. Expose yourself to others in the church and look for opportunities to fellowship with people. The right church doesn’t come to us, but we have to go out and place ourselves in a position to get to know people. Once we surround ourselves with the right people, connections will come easier over time, and after a while bonds will be created. 

Does all of this come quickly? No, but the right community will make you feel welcomed and point you to Christ. It requires us to step out in faith, but it is absolutely worth it. Don’t be discouraged if the first couple of churches you tried didn’t work out. Keep asking God for help, and keep stepping out in faith.

Finding community online

In addition to a local church, FaithOnline exists to disciple believers virtually. Our intention isn’t to replace the local church, but to be a supplement that can help believers grow spiritually and connect them with other believers. As a Gospel-centered formation ecosystem, FaithOnline is an all-encompassing platform that everyone can use regardless of which season you find yourself. For believers who currently feel lonely, FaithOnline is a place where you can connect with people who care. Creators who desire to disciple, a community that is hungry to grow, and a platform that takes away all the noise. Our hope is that through FaithOnline you can find a local church and get plugged in. 

Helping others find community

Maybe you noticed a new person at your church. Someone who sits in the back and leaves right after the service ends. For those of us who are currently plugged to a community, let us make sure we are proactively reaching out to others. Loneliness is an epidemic in the church, and we need to do better when it comes to connecting people to experience deep connections with other believers. 

It’s easy for us to get too comfortable with our inner circle at church that we become exclusive to new people. Who’s that new person you’ve recently seen coming to your church? Maybe there is someone in your neighborhood who stopped attending church a couple of years ago? Maybe you have a co-worker who’s been church shopping the past year? Pray asking God for wisdom on connecting new people to the local church, so less people feel lonely and get to experience the blessing of being a part of a godly community.